NUEVA YORK FOR THE DAY

I am happy to say that I have finally recieved a response from Gunsons office. His assistant let me know that she will tell Gunson about my pain and they will contact the doctor in New York City after my appointment.

Meanwhile, its 12:40 a.m and I got out of work an hour ago. I have to get on a place at 6 am which means I need to wake up at 4 am. Goodness gracious.

This doctors appointment in NYC is going to be so important as I will finally get some treatment for my pain. How he’ll do it? I dont know. Will it work? God I hope so!

I’ve decided to take advantage of NYC and bring my savings with me. No, Im not spending everything in anticipaton for the apocapyse that is booked to occur in about two weeks. I am shopping for me Boots, dresses, shirts oh my! I am so thankful my appointment is in the afternoon.

If I get bad news, just plan on finding me in an upper manhattan cupcake store surrounded my tons of bags and eating everything. Stressed IS desserts spelt backwards afterall….

Thank you all so much for your messages, thoughts, and prayers. They mean so much!
I am definetly relieved to have a response. I have put all my trust in Gunson and it’s still in place. I know that, god forbid, if anytihng was gravely wrong with my jaw, he would go to extremes to fix it and help me.

It’s the Final Count Down.

Well, countdown may be a little bit of an exaggeration but….a hopeful (very hopeful) date has been given for when I will finally be able to get my grill removed.

Dr. Chira will be having her baby in mid- November and has set up a time line in hopes of having everything complete by that date. Yay.

*  I have informed her that if they are not removed, I will in fact show up at the birth of her child and insist she remove them promptly Just kidding.

Anywho’s, my jaw is still feeling dandy and I even munched on a granola bar today. I was rummaging through the kitchen like a squirrel searching for food when my roomie said I could have the “hard” granola bars. I felt a sense of sadness as I realised my jaw wouldn’t be able to….Oh wait, yes it can. Tehehehehehe

I broke off pieces of the granola bar (okay there were three bars in all but they were different flavors and I wanted some variety) and my little jaw was working at it. I am hoping im not in pain tomorrow but I figure until I hear a bang, crack, or god forbid the sound of a metal screw coming loose, I will be just fine.

I am still taking all thirteen of my pills, yay. I enjoy showing onlookers my ability to take so many at once. I consider this a talent. Please don’ t try to challenge me as this can be dangerous.

I made some calculations and  have now swallowed:

1,095 daily vitamins,

and a whopping 3,500 fish oil pills.

CHAMPION.

With all the Omega 3 I take, I better live to be a hundred and five.

The other medicines don’t matter but it is all either the same or more then the above. Ah, the sweet thought of filling my body up with chemicals and fish nutrients is so refreshing.

* I have recently discovered that fish oil can be bought off of Amazon for a fraction of the price. Just a fact.

I am currently working at the front desk at a classy chassy hotel and to my surprise, a dental conference is booked for the rest of the week. Oh, what a joy. As soon as my boss mentioned this to me I smiled saying “they are going to be all over me.” I am expecting a whole array of questions that I will obviously shut down immediately by exclaiming “I’M A JAW SURGERY PATIENT. This is not your simple orthodontics sir, this is far more complicated.”

I will then offer to speak of my experience at this dental conference in return for donations. I am always thinking up of new ways to bring in the dough.

Please entertain me with more of your questions and think of me as my long journey through this lonnnngggg voyage comes to a slow finish. I have begun the descent and look forward to starting my journey on a brace-free land.

New York City for 9ish hours

Yello everyones.

I wish I was more excited but alas, I find myself….not.

I am going to New York City on Tuesday to see Dr. Mac who will examine my bite. From there he will call Dr. Chira and they will discuss my bite. On Thursday, I will go see Dr. Chira and she will tell me what they discussed.

Sounds so simple…..

I am flying down to NYC bright and early at 6 am and returning home at around 5. Yay, a day in the city….alone. I’ve decided Im going to take the train/subway/bus to get into the city instead of paying 50 plus dollars for a cab. With my luck, I’ll get off at the wrong stop and miss my appointment.

The one thing I can only hope for is that I will get a due date. And by due date I do not mean for a baby, I mean for braces. If I was talking about a baby, it would be a devil child. Rosemarys baby. And I would want it out of me asap. Instead, it’s my braces, or my grill as I like to call it.

I have now been waiting for a possible removal date for months. Last time it was simply too early for them to tell me when they would come off. And mind you, they dont all come off at once. It’s a step by step punishment, sorry, I mean “process.”

Apart from that, my bite is good. Still. Now that I have the metal braces on there’s no point in trying to hide them and people like to still ask me “do you have braces?” APPARENTLY, I DO. Honestly, what does it look like I have? Something stuck on each individual tooth? Or perhaps Im following Ryan Lochte and decided to pull this stunt:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for that Ryan.

I will update you when I find out about removal dates IF I am given any. Please pray/wish for me!

Ashleys Jaw Goes to India!

Hi everyone!
It has been so long since I’ve written, I should be ashamed. I don’t have a good excuse except that things with my jaw have been pretty “average.” Thank you to all the people who still write to me, I am always so happy to answer all you questions and comments!
It has been 8 months since my surgery (to the day!) and my jaw feels great. I get some discomfort occasionally that is related to stress and grinding. Otherwise, I am still in my braces and still taking all my vitamins and the small selection of prescription meds. I can eat almost anything now ( I stay away from almonds and biting INTO sandwiches….The pulling action is a no no for any ones jaw.)

I have graduated from college and recently went to India! I had to wait at least 6 months to go anywhere because the team of docs like to keep a close eye on their patients. If anything was to happen in India, what would I do!? Apparently they have connections all over so I would have been referred to someone. I also was only allowed to go for three weeks, as a precaution.

I got back a couple of days ago and my jaw feels good. No problems. I say take the braces completely off! Can I get a “YEAAAAAAA?”

So, here a few pictures from India and from my day in Paris. Mind you there is ONE picture of me enjoying a yummy baguette. THE IMAGE IS A SET-UP. I did not in fact bite into the baguette but instead broke off pieces and consumed the baguette like royalty I was merely trying to make a good Parisian picture.

Yay Jaw, go go goooooo

Here are some pictures from India!

This is me at The Cherish Foundation orphanage in Hyderbad. The children are all so beautiful and wonderful!

 

Chris and I outside the monkey temple in Jaipur!

Costume time!

Lil’ monkey and I!

 

Hugsies,

Ashley

Boycott

As you may have read in my previous posts, I did quite a bit of experimenting with food after my surgery. I did not expect that finding things to eat would be such a struggle, but it’s one of the largest challenges any human being can face. That moment where you’re watching a commercial for food and start crying? Been there. It’s painful I know… but it gets better!

Anyways, as a Journalism major, a classmate informed me that I should write to companies whose products I used after my surgery. I hoped to sample their products and then write about them to help other patients find even more options post surgery. She assured me that I would receive some goodies, perhaps samples of other products from the company? I thought what a great idea!

Fast forward a week and I am irked. Not only do I find myself empty-handed with no free food or even fun things to sample but I even got a rejection email! And yes I realise that this whole situation is bizarre beyond reason. Why would someone be upset for not receiving free food? But I am a recent graduate, unemployed, and Costco is a 30 minute drive so getting their wonderful free samples is quite a hassle.

Being rejected hurts. Being rejected after telling these companies how much they have helped me and how I hope to help others by advertising their food is far worse than having my mouth hammered in. (Read my previous post if you find yourself confused/clueless. )

Here is the email I sent to Quaker Grits. My (former) pride and joy.

To whom it may concern, I have been a huge fan of Quaker Grits for as long as I can remember. Whether it was for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, Grits has always been a top option. Today, my love for Grits is stronger than ever. As a college student I can say that I have had numerous meals provided for me by your company. Delicious and nutritious, could it get any better? This past December I underwent jaw surgery. Unable to eat ”normal” food for four months, I was left trying to figure out what (and how) I was going to eat. In come Quaker Grits. Wether it meant adding extra water to make them easier to eat or adding broth, I have enjoyed your product in more ways than you could ever imagine. Today, I have a blog with more than 6,000 visitors. Most of my audience is about to undergo or has undergone jaw surgery. I write about my experience and also give recommendations about what to eat. I am writing to ask if I could receive some samples of your products. Using my b log as an outlet to review the products I feel this would prove beneficial to your company and more importantly to my viewers. I pride myself on answering every question that is sent to me and helping in any way I can. I can say with confidence that my readers would benefit greatly from knowing your product is not only an option, but also delicious! Thank you.

Here is their response:

Ashley:
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story of surgery and recovery. It’s wonderful that you are willing to host a blog for people who are in similar circumstances.
It’s great to know our Grits have played such a big role in your life, and we count you among our most loyal fans. While we’re flattered that you’re interested in receiving coupons for our products, we do not send them upon request.
Some of the best places to check for our coupons is in store circulars, newspapers, Twitter, Facebook, and magazines. We also work with our grocery store partners to periodically offer in-store sales and promotions. I hope you’ll watch for them in your local newspapers and store circulars. You can take advantage of these specials as they are offered quite frequently throughout the year.
I’ll share your interest in seeing more coupons with our marketing team, Ashley. Thank you for your loyalty to Quaker. After all, we know you have a wide variety of brands from which to choose, and we always appreciate your choosing ours.
Allison Quaker Consumer Relations A Division of PepsiCo

Well. Thank you Allison for reading my “inspiring” story. You know what I felt was inspiring? The thought of having samples from you.

And here is the response from Campbell soup. Nicer, but still…..rejected. And yes, I am aware of the fact I got a coupon but let’s be honest people. I wanted a box of samples to try. I had a mission to sample their products and then write about it on here.

We received your message and appreciate your taking the time to contact Campbell Soup Company to let us know that you think our Campbell’s Slow Kettle Soup is “M’m! M’m! Good!”  I’ve forwarded your kind words to the rest of my team so that they too may know that their efforts are appreciated.
At Campbell, our number one priority is to delight our consumers.  We realize that it is consumers like you who have helped build our businesses and we sincerely appreciate your loyalty.
As a small token of our thanks, I’ve sent a complimentary coupon in the mail.  Please use it to enjoy your favorite product from the Campbell family of brands including V8, Prego, Pace and Pepperidge Farm.
Thank you for visiting the Campbell Soup Company website.
Campbell Soup Company Web Team ELR/DXV

As a result, I am boycotting Grits/Campbell. Which will be challenging considering I ordered them in BULK after surgery and still have hundreds of packets of Grits left over.

I was planning on responding to their rejections, recommending they visit my blog to see

A) How much we need variety after surgery and thus feeling extreme guilt after depriving me of their products.

B) Seeing the bad light I am now shedding onto them.

Revenge is sweet….but never a good idea. Therefor, I shall refrain from responding to their emails BUT I will leave my mark. It is now up to you my fellow surgery buddies. Grits? or no grits? Campbell’s or no Campbell’s?

For future reference here are other companies that provide both grits and soup. Just puttin’ it out there

Bobs Red Mill Natural Foods (http://www.bobsredmill.com/)

Frontier Soups (http://www.frontiersoups.com/)

We live and we learn

Ashleys Trip to NYC

I’m finally back home after going to NYC to see Dr. Mac. I went to get a “procedure” that would shorten the time I have to be in braces. This “procedure” was more like a baby-surgery. I definetly had some PTSD of some sort. The following description of what I had done is not nice or pretty. You have been warned.

As soon as I got into the office Dr. Mac explained what he would be doing. Chiseling at the bone in between each tooth which would allow my teeth to move faster. Sounded pretty simple to me, and let’s face it…I have had way worse done before!
I casually asked if there was any way I could get some nitrous (laughing gas) to which Dr.Mac said that was a sure option. So, they hooked me onto the nitrous which was super exciting because let’s face…it’s like going on a vacation in your mind. At the beginning he started the nitrous off slow and it got stronger as it went on….strong to the point where I’m only remembering certain things now.
Here’s a picture of me that I don’t really remember taking/don’t know why I took:

So I was feeling great. Dr. Mac numbed my mouth which I’m terrified of but I’ve learned that taking a deep breath as he puts the syringe in makes a world of difference, really. I hardly felt it. He then took out a blade (scalpel?) and no joke. a hammer. It looked like a hammer for dolls, like if one of the American Girl Collection dolls was a construction worker, she would have had this one. It was metal and tiny and a real hammer.
The blade went into my mouth somewhere (remember I can’t feel it) and then was the hammer. It felt like he was hammering a nail into my face, my head was vibrating and I suddenly panicked as I realised how horrible this was. My little fists were so tightly pressed together that I think he noticed and next thing I know I was even deeper into my la-la land of a dream. The hammering continued for what ended up being about two hours! It felt like five minutes but the hammering was still horribly traumatizing.
In between, Dr. Mac took a little break to which I asked him where Dr. Levine was. Dr. Levine is another dentist that works in the office and has been featured on the Dr. Oz/Good Morning America show various times.

Here he is:

I kept wondering why I had never seen him? A few minutes later I heard a voice to which I (in my altered state) demanded to know “who are you!?”

Dr. Mac responded with a “that’s Dr. Levine Ashley.” I turned my flirt on and proceeded to introduce myself to him ( probably with blood all over my mouth and chin,) a mask on my nose, and even offered Dr. Levine my resume. Dr. Levine now knows I am a recent graduate and looking for work. Feeling pity, he grabbed my hand and shook it as I exclaimed “you have the softest hands in the world” and then grabbed him with both my hands and held on…..for a while.

The rest of my baby surgery was filled with more hammering and me (flirting again?) telling Dr. Mac I hoped to marry someone just like him.

Oh the joys of nitrous.

I left the office with gauze, pain killers, and left behind my dignity.

Today, I have stitches under my lip that will be there for about two weeks. The pain is minimal but present. One thing I CAN say is that the titanium in my face is beyond soar. Under my eyes, in my jaw, and on the side of my nose. I feel it has something to do with the screws/nails vibrating with each hit?

Off to dream (without nitrous hehe), I’m tired beyond reason.
Hugs xo

Graduate

I have officially graduated from college. Sad but happy. Confident but terrified. I could go on and on with descriptions of my emotions….

I have done incredibly well this semester ending with a 3.6 GPA. Don’t get too excited though, this is only for this semester. Before my jaw surgery I had a lot of trouble staying awake due to my airway being so constricted. Imagine sleeping for 12 hours and feeling like you slept for 5 hours. If I didn’t get more than 8 hours of sleep every night, I couldn’t function. This is further proof of how really incredible this surgery has been. I only wish I had gotten it earlier so I could have had a better overall GPA! Oh well, It’s a confidence boost to know that I did so well even after not being able to eat solid foods for a month and then only being able to eat soft chew food. And of course, going to California for post op appointments. Time consuming is a good way to describe this whole process!

Here are some pictures of me at graduation:
Mom and I:

 Dad and I

My room mate!

Tomorrow is the big day when I get these braces taken off but WAIT, again, don’t get too excited because I have to get new ones put on and this time I don’t get the ceramic ones. I havent been told when I get the braces taken off all together but it should be less than a year. Until then, my life can’t really get started. I feel like once I am all healed from the surgery I can really go back to being normal.

No News is Bad News

I wish I had some good news to tell all you wonderful people but, unfortunately, the news I have is less than satisfactory.

I had my appointment today with the wonderful Gunson, Mac, and Chira but they told me that

A) I must have the braces on for another 6 months to a year.

B) I have to go down to New York City to get this procedure that (good news?) will expedite the process of braces.

C) I have to get the dark braces, or normal braces if that’s what you want to call them.

I am so upset. The last thing I wanted to hear was that I had to keep the braces on for this much longer but then to hear that I had to get the “normal” ones? I didn’t know how to react. Dr Mac put me in my place and said that I could have them taken off right then and there and deal with all sorts of problems with my teeth, bite, and jaw. Which is true, I could have them removed but obviously that would be a less than ideal situation.

Meanwhile, Dr Gunson took out the evil hook from my jawbone which was terrifying but kind of awesome at the same time.

Here’s a picture of the little guy.

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t cry because…I did but honestly its just becaue there is nothing worse then expecting some great news and then not only NOT getting that news but getting news that is even worse. And then I start to think to myself “how shallow am I that I am actually complaining about something that is superficial?” or “there are so many worse things that I could have and here I am complaining about this.”

The procedure that will expedite the braces (which by the way will still mean I have them on for 6 months) involves me going down to NYC to see Dr Mac and having him make some minor incision in my jaw bone and chiseling at it? I don’t know the specifics but thats what it sounded like.

I already told my parental units that I would pay for it. The last thing I want is for them to have to pay any more money for this process. Funny thing is I have no money so, Im offering and the thought is sweet and all but….I have nothign to show for it.

I wish I could act happier but I’m graduating in a week. Tonight was my last weekend night in college which was fun. I was fortunate enough to have a young gentlemen come up to me, ask me what class I was, and then proceed to lie to me saying he was also a senior and had recently transferred from Harvard.

Apparently I have the word stupid written on my forehead. At least he made me laugh, even if it was at him…it was worth it.

Graduation

Hello!
It has once again been far too long since I’ve written. As a senior in college my days consist of work, work, and more work following by weekends of catching up on sleep, catching up on work, and more catching up with friends. Basically, I’ve been super busy but for those of you who may not remember, I have in fact written a book titled “Minimum Wage, Maximum Sentence” available here:

http://www.lulu.com/shop/ashley-aubert/minimum-wage-maximum-sentence/paperback/product-20063261.html

As for my jaw, its feeling dandy! I am still doing my jaw exercises and have narrowed the time when I drive to when I do them. Its unfortunate when a good song comes on and I can’t sing a long but the jaw exercises are far more important. I have followed EVERY single rule so far in hopes of getting the braces removed before graduation which is on May 14th. I know, that’s pushing it but….I love to dream, and you should too.

My swelling has gone down to a level where you would never guess I had my jaw cracked open and repositioned which is an added plus. As for eating, ah eating. I can do all foods but should still stay away from really hard foods like nuts etc. Fine with me. There is no way I feel ready to crunch down on anything just yet. The temperatures are rising so no more pain caused by the titanium in my face. Oh and speaking of titanium, has anyone heard this song lately?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgqB0zg_6u4&feature=fvst

It’s written for jaw surgery patients, and goes a little something like this

” I am titanium. You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium.”

That’s right my fellow followers, we are titanium. Or we have titanium all up in our face but what’s the difference right?

Anywhos, I have been going to see Dr.Chira about once a week still and she adjusts my bite by making the tiniest changes that make a world of difference. I’m wearing my elastics at night which is in no way annoying, thank goodness. I would say the worst thing going on with my jaw is the braces but hey, I’m almost at the finish line and I can’t wait. I’m planning on making a shirt that says “I just got my braces off” and wearing it around for the day.

One thing I have noticed is that I still cant really whistle which I think is caused by the shape of my mouth which in many ways is “new.” I’m having to restrain myself. How fun is that!? I used to whistle all the time walking around and now I just kind of breathe with a slight hint of a whistle, its pathetic but I consider it my practice time.

This Saturday is huge! Dr.Gunson, Mac, and Dr.Chira are all going to be here and I am going to see them and guess what!? I find out when the braces are coming off so I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. Although I have to admit that I dont know what I would do if Gunson looked at my teeth and went “yep, another six months.” No really, I just don’t think I could handle it.

I am currently looking for employment (hint hint) to all you readers out there. I keep having this image in my head that once the braces are off I can finally start my life over and feel 100 percent back to normal which is completely silly because, come on….they’re just on my teeth. But theyve become part of me and I have to admit my worst fear is being remembered as “that girl who had braces.” That’s why I try to act strange in public so people will remember me as the weird girl instead. I prefer that one a lot more.

So here are a few pictures of me taken last weekend.

I shall update soon, and Im considering starting a blog about being straight out of college. To my disappointment (not) I cant write about my jaw forever right? But of course, questions are ALWAYS welcome anytime.

Who wants to hear the BEST excuse ever?

I have disappointed my followers and I apologize. I should be updating you all. On a better note, I’m about to provide you with some great excuses for my lack of blog writing. Are you ready?

Being a senior in my last semester in College I am plagued by the “Final Senior Project.”

“What is this?” You ask.

“Perhaps a ten page paper? Maybe its a grant proposal? Oh I remember the days when I had to write those 20 page papers. What a pain right? Hahahahaha”

No.

My senior project involves writing a book. Yes, a book….like the ones in waiting rooms which BY THE WAY considering Dr.Chira, Dr,Mac, AND Dr, Gunson and Arnett have waiting rooms, they can all expect a copy of my book. Im sure the patients will enjoy reading about prisons, I know I do.

Anywho’s my book has been my life these past weeks. And yes I know its been more than just weeks since I’ve written but I have other stuff to do people. Dont guilt me. (I already feel really guilty

So for some entertainment I thought I would provide you all with an email I sent Kim (Dr.Gunsons assistant/my personal knows-the-answers-to-everything person.

Hi Kim,

How is everything over there? Over here I’m as stressed as can be. I’m working on my final senior project, a 120 page book. I get home from working at about 4 am in the morning followed by a morning class that I drink what I would feel are illegal amounts of coffee to stay awake through the class.

It’s breaking me down slowly but I shall not allow it to hinder my life!

Just had my first anxiety attack in a while. It involved me leaving the library as fast as possible, racing to my car, skipping stop signs and almost hitting curves. This was followed by my immediate reaction to….jump into the shower? Brushing her teeth, my roommate just kind of stared as I ran past her STILL dressed and just said “ANXIETY, MUST TAKE A SHOWER.”

Anyway’s, apart from me being stressed and erratic I have a few inquiries for you.

Am I still doing 20 minutes of jaw exercises three times per day? Because frankly finding the time to do the exercises is a HUGE struggle. I understand if its required and you know me, always followin’ the rules!

That’s my only question for now You can tell Dr.G I am giddy with the thought of being able to see him in May! (yay) Perhaps you could come to!? I mean I AM graduating like, a week after! Break out the wine, woo hoooo. (Just kidding

Thank you for your expert advice xoxo

Jane Fonda should do jaw exercising D.V.D’s.

4,000+ Blog Visitors!!!!!

Ugh, you guys make me blush.

 

 

 

 

College is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

The amount of work that goes into those four years is mind boggling. Am I really learning? Probably. The facts and numbers are practically jammed into my brain it’s hard to ignore them. Sometimes I wonder how frustrating it must be to win the lottery (yes, frustrating…listen before you judge) after you’ve been through college. I mean, you’re set for life now, you can do whatever you want. If you wanted to be a doctor you could probably pay your way to having a practice without a sheet of paper informing the public you are in fact, a real doctor. Or how about people who get killed in freak accidents after they’ve completed four years of college? You just worked your butt off, and then this happened. I wonder if I could make the argument that you could have done something better with your time in those four years?

I have completed hours of studying today and now, I must complete 20 minutes of exercising my jaw. Three times a day people, that’s a WHOLE hour. (See? I learned how to add in college.) I wish I could do my exercises spread out throughout the day like, in the morning, maybe at lunch, and then at night but no. I wake up and like a deranged animal head straight to breakfast, no time for exercises here. Then, there’s class. Yay. No time for exercises here either.

By this time its noon and I’ll have some free time so I sit myself down and try to do my jaw exercises. Of course  people all around me are wondering what the heck I’m doing…Just sitting there open and closing my mouth as wide as possible, sometimes I try to measure how far I can open. Who knows what they think right?

There are some classes where I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t care if people stare at me. I just do my exercises willingly, every now and then I’ll pretend Im yawning. Usually I save the pretend yawning for the car because I don’t like the idea of people watching me while I’m driving, makes me kinda uncomfortable.

On another note, probably a more humorous one that like the former, I don’t really care about. My college has a website where people write down their “crushes” on people they’ve seen around campus. Kind of like a shout-out to let someone know you think they’re cute like Craigslist “missed connections” it’s completely anonymous.

So anyways, there I am updating myself on current crushes that I’m never featured in. Sad, but true. Whatever, I’m on the path to having a beautiful smile.

Anyways, there I am when suddenly I see my name, “Ashley…”

I get so excited, until I see this

 

I am not even joking. THIS is what gets posted about me.

Out of all people….

Out of all the things you could have picked.

What happened to complementing someones hair…or their eyes? And how does this person know I stretch my jaw!? Could it be that my fake yawning has failed me and someone knows what I’m really doing? Could someone be hiding behind a couch watching me do my exercises?

I am perplexed to say the least.

I shall be watching my surroundings. Looking for this individual with either a jaw fetish or an exercise fetish.  Regardless you will not stop me from following doctors orders sir/ma’am?? I shall complete my one hour of daily exercises like a champ.

Thank you. 

Eating

Just got back from dinner and man, it is difficult knowing what’s soft chew! One of the things on our list of “okay soft chew foods” are french fries, So that’s what I ordered. French fries.

When they got there I noticed they looked especially crunchy and upon eating one realised these were a lot tougher then I had expected. “What do I do?” I start thinking. “I cant send them back and ask for less crunchy fries, thats crazy!”

So I continue to eat them. And now here I am, worrying I’ve fractured my jaw and will need to have the surgery AGAIN and this time, they’re going to have to take a piece of my hip bone as a graft, yikes. Anyone else have this experience? Eating something that you’re not sure was okay?

Mind you, this has happened before. I microwaved some delicious pasta and the micrwave must have made it harder. By the time I chewed on it, I was a hungry hippo and ate the whole thing. It was mama’s pasta and I couldn’t stop myself!

Here’s the frantic email I sent Dr Gunsons office five minutes after indulging:

Hi Kim,

I made the mistake today of heating up some pasta from yesterday. Didn’t realize that

microwaving the pasta would make it a lot harder. It was so good I ate most of it but left a few pieces that looked specially tougher.

It won’t happen again but it’s not like I’ve done some terrible damage to my jaw right? It feels okay… But I’m doubting myself thinking I chewed something too hard, will need surgery again, and you’re going to have to take a hip graft from me!!

Reassure me?

 

PS I will never eat pasta from a microwave!

 

Her response:

Ashley,

It is fine.  You can’t do damage by eating microwave pasta, I promise!!  No more surgery for you and no hip. 

You’re so funny.  Have a great day.

Stay away from the microwave. J

Kim

 

Isn’t Kim the best? I know Im being overly worried but my jaw is soar now and Im really worrying that I fractured it or something? Then again, isnt a fracture a broken bone-like situation? Wouldnt I be in excruciating angst?

Good side of this sad story is that:

A) I know not to microwave pasta.

B) I know to stay away from crunchy fries.

 

xoxo

 

So. Busy. ……When is graduation?

When will I graduate!? I am so packed with work, I have no excuse for not writing lately but…..I’M JUST SO PACKED WITH WORK.

So this is my second week on soft chew and it’s been magical. I am back to eating pasta and had sushi tonight. Mind you, this is sushi without the seaweed because that’s a no no. I would have to say that the food I notice the most that I can’t eat is potato chips, nuts, and hamburgers. For some reason those things are just in my face lately and I’m not permitted to have any of them. Its better than eating only liquid though so I shouldn’t complain.

I am still keeping those 20 pounds that I lost off, It’s been a struggle! I’m going to Aruba for spring break and let’s just say, the good things that have come out of the liquid diet (aka the weight loss) need to stick around for a just a wee bit longer. I’m back to going to the gym and my energy is back to normal now, it feels great. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to do weights yet because of the clenching but I’m sure its written in my booklet. If any of you know, respond to me!?

 (Me and my friend, clashing shirt patterns…I know)

So. The parents are in India and I dont have anyone to take my mug shot but, I have lots of pictures of me with friends..in my natural habitat. Im still keeping my mouth closed because my bottom lip is still numb and I think its causing my smile to look slightly unbalanced. I’ve gotten a bit more feeling in my bottom lip and chin so that’s exciting, hopefully I will get it all back. Fingers crossed!

I do my jaw exercises three times a day for twenty minutes, take my medicines, and I’m wearing my elastics at night. I have to wear one in the back for a little bit more time because the left side of my bite isn’t closing as well….I think. It’s all very scientific and I honestly don’t understand a lot of the things the doctors say hehe, its gibberish to me.

(Me and my room-mate!)

Can we just talk about how whenever I see a group of highschool girls I automatically want to be their friend because I know they probably have braces too? It’s a new thing I do. Oh, and showing people my ID when I’m trying to get into a bar? Fabulous. I’ve gotten some stares because I look kind of different and one gentleman decided to ask me to “smile.”  Yeah, that’s not going to help me look anymore like my license sir.

So, these are my updates, I am more than happy to answer any questions. I apologize once more for the lack of writing I’m doing, I just want to graduate.

(A group of us

Thanks for reading my blog everyone! And rest in peace Whitney, what a tragic loss

Ashley Goes to LA ~~~~>

Hello!
As I mentioned before I have not updated in waaaay to long. Major no-no. I just returned from Los Angeles this morning. The flight was great, what a difference from last time! Then again, I was on antihistamines (more on that in a bit.)

To update you all, a lot of Gunson/Arnett patients return to S.Barbara at about the 8 week mark for a post-op check up. It’s a chance for them to make sure you’re staying on track with recovery. Lucky for me Dr. Mac and Dr.Chira were both going to be there too as there was a conference on that week.

Here’s a picture of the team looking at my mouth, I felt so VIP Very cool.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is Dr.Mac in the jacket.Dr.Gunson is on the right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the left: Dr.Chira, my orthodontist and the lady who first told me I needed to have jaw surgery! Kim is in the background, she’s like a personal assistant who knows the answers to everything. Dr.Mac and Dr.Gunson are working on me!

Everything with my jaw is good. I wasn’t ready for soft chew quite yet, one more week said Gunson. He tested this by putting a stick into my mouth and asking me to bite lightly. The right side didn’t budge while the left was still slightly wobbly and therefore needed a few days.

While I was there I mentioned that my ear was still blocked from Dec.24 when I flew home. I could not hear out of my right ear! Gunson, who is also a real doctor ( as in, he did everything before specializing) looked in my ear and said I had “pockets” or things that were causing my ears to block because of swelling. The next part is when it got scary. After making a phone call to an ENT Gunson returned to the room and informed me I needed to see an ENT right away and I couldn’t fly home Sunday if it wasnt fixed. Apparently if this “pocket” was to erupt during flight I would lose hearing in my right ear. Scary right?

The rest of the day was horrible as I was so stressed and scared. I refused to miss school and even considered driving across America. Too bad it would  take us 5 days! After we found out the ENT could not see me that day we stayed the night and drove back to LA the next day. That’s when the calls started coming in….everyone from Gunson to Dr. Chira and finally even Dr. Arnett! My ear had become a huge issue and no ENT doctors could see me. As a senior I was refusing to stay until my ear was fixed, I couldn’t risk my grades. Gunson put me on steroids, nasal sprays, and all sorts of other fun stuff with specific instructions on how to take them.

In the end, Dr. Arnett called me and said that after much discussion they had a plan to get me on the flight safely, ear intact. Taking an antihistamine and Afrin nose spray I was told to chew gum when going up and when going down during flight. Here I am now, still not hearing, but theres no pain and that’s great news! Just have to see an ENT asap to get it resolved!

While I was at Gunsons I was able to have my screws removed, soooo fun! They put some numbing stuff and after a few minutes he literally used a screw driver. No pain, kind of weird, but very cool to see. I had a video but it disappeared :( Anyways that’s it for jaw updates. My soft chew diet starts Wednesday and Im not as excited haha, I am very prepared for it to be difficult at first!
Getting into the sun and out of the cold was so nice, it was the necessary break I needed after what is the toughest recovery!

Here’s a picture of my team: Aren’t they just a good lookin’ group?

I can’t wait to smile haha.

<3

Snow snow snow…No no nooooo!

Happy winter everyone!

I walked into the kitchen today and a deliciousness was afloat in the midst. Yes, it is the pictured above. Two of my room mates made it and obviously, told me about all the possible ways I would be able to eat.

“You can just put a piece in and let it melt!”

Peppermint isn’t really my thing but it looked so handsome that I decided to try a tiny  thin tasty flake of it. It obviously melted right away but the taste was great. Even for someone who doesn’t love peppermint!

So for all of you who are wondering how my two nights of “sleeping on my side” have gone? AMAZING. I fall asleep in less than five minutes and sleep so well. No more waking up and wanting to sob because I can’t stand being on my back anymore! Strangely enough I wake up earlier then my alarm, a rarity….I don’t have an explanation for this.

I am still in the process of obtaining my “disabled parking permit” and am no longer feeling large amounts of guilt. If you could understand what is outside right now. All I need is a yellow ball gown, a pair of ice skates, and ta-dah…I am Belle from Beauty and the Beast on ice.
I have to admit sitting on my couch eating peanut butter while watching people attempt to cross the ice field has become a popular hobby of mine.

Here are some pictures I took of the front and back of my house. These are also proof for those that are doubting the accurate-ness (yes, I just invented a word.) of my claims:

Item. 1: Here I present the field outside my house, yes there is usually grass there. The light you see in the far distance are where my classes are. Deciding to cross this ice field is a choice I choose not to make but….can you blame me!?
Oh. And don’t let that dry-looking path fool you! Patches of ice hide in blind spots, the path has the added downside of being highly visible to neighbors. A fall in this location would cause deep embarrassment and eternal mocking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Item.2: Presented here is the back of my house. As you can see, to get to one’s car you must risk a dangerous fall. I take this risk about 4 times a day. It’s awesome……….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Item.3 Presented here is one more picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It snowed tonight, this means you never know when your walking on patches of ice. With every step, I question “is this going to be one that lands me in the hospital?”

Apart from trying to gain pity for the weather, I am doing relatively well. I still get tired easily and school work is piling up, yay. On an other note, I have been biting my own tongue today, and no I don’t mean that in the literary sense. I mean I’m actually biting my own tongue, without meaning to. Picturing myself as I sit in class suddenly jerking and then saying”Ouch, I just bit my tongue by accident again” does put a smile on my face though :)

Epiphany

I will post pictures next time!

Today in class, we learned about epiphanies in relation to immersing ones self into another culture. I was very excited because I was not wearing the band that connects from my screw to captain hooks hook in my jaw!? That’s right! Dr.Chira said I didn’t need to wear that one anymore. I was SO happy. It’s the most obvious one and sometimes just looks like spit in between my teeth….attractive? To some,maybe.

(I will mention more about epiphanies, this whole piece has an overall meaning about it)

I went to the health center where I spoke to a nurse, lovely lady, and asked her about getting access to a temporary handicapped permit. Now, before you judge (which you shouldn’t because judging is mean) I need to mention that I told myself I would not need one. I’d heard of some jaw surgery patients getting them but I thought it sounded ridiculous.

Wrong.

Like I mentioned yesterday, the ice rink that covers my whole campus has forced me to stay in doors in between classes, roaming the hallways because I was so terrified of slipping on the deathtrap of ice.

I decided that it wasn’t worth the risk., and I also created a thought process to make myself feel better:
-The cold hurts my face. I have metal in there…I’m like a mini freezer.

- Im so scared to slip so I walk slower than a…….Mhm, anything I say here could be considered offensive so I’m going to go with the traditional “slow as a turtle.”

-More time trudging outside means more time in the cold thus, more pain.

-Slipping on ice would cause me to clench…bad bad bad after jaw surgery.

-Slipping could cause me to fall onto my face, also bad.

-Driving closer to class would allow me to cut through a large part of the ice hell AND I wouldn’t have to leave for class an hour before hand AND I wouldn’t be as apt to fall.

For the skeptics, I can tell you that my friend and I both decided that I almost fell ( and even perhaps cracked my jaw open.) We were walking on a sheet of ice, I held onto him like a monkey on a branch. Suddenly my foot loses grip and what would have been a CATASTROPHIC INCIDENT was fortunately not. He caught me, and I was able to have further proof of why I should have a permit.

This is the part that I named my title after  <3

Later on I received an email from Dr. Gunsons office in response to my cries for permission to sleep on my side. And yes,  they accepted. I was so excited I began yelling “I can sleep on my side! YES, No more back sleep, yeaaaaaa,” to the people eating around me this seemed to be a simple act of bizarre behavior, its college though….bizzare behavior is everywhere.

THEN, I saw that Dr. Gunsons office wanted me not wearing the elastics while I talked to which I answered ”but that would mean I never wear the elastics?” I reached a compromise with myself that if I foresaw an afternoon of no talking I would wear the elastics, along with wearing them every night while sleeping.

So, as you can see I am very happy with the news.  The bands and back-sleeping were gettin’ me down and to have that small amount of help and understanding meant the world to me, I now understand how important it can be to help me and go out of your way to do such. It was my little epiphany

Now here I am…in bed. About to sleep on my side. It will be the first time in more then a month and you could not give me a million dollars to make me sleep on my back again.

*By the way, I’m allowed to sleep on my side but there are limits (aren’t there always limits?) which include no sleeping on my hands, (my room-mate explained this to me, lucky for me I do not do this) no sleeping on the mattress ( who would want to sleep without a pillow?) and lastly, sleeping only with a very soft pillow, (Um, hellooooo. Soft pillow? My face on it? I don’t see  a spec of bad in this)

Sleep well everyone…wether on your stomach, side,or yes,even your back.

Jaw Surgery, and how it relates to zombies.

I arrived late to my first class today! I left half an hour early to cross campus and make it on time, stopping to get coffee. I only realised once I got my coffee that I in fact, could not just grab a bite to eat. I looked around….bagels,cereal,fruit,toast. Oh no, what am I going to eat? I left for class without any food in me, I swear that’s  lesson number one of the first day of school, eat breakfast!!!

It was five minutes to eleven and I was trudging my way over the ice covered ground. For the average individual, icy ground is never fun. For someone who’s just had surgery? It’s terrifying, a death trap in my opinion! I asked a friend to help me walk because having that extra bit of support is just so helpful, I figure Im less apt to fall that way, and if I do fall I might land on my friend thus cushioning the impact. Just kidding…not really.

For those of you awaiting surgery. If you live in a cold place BE WARNED.

The cold was painful on my face. Especially the titanium pieces next to my nose, probably because it’s so close to my skin. It feels like you’re getting slapped in the face, more like one constant slap. The whole time I’m asking myself “Why? What did I do!?”

In my first class we spoke about our first text, a book about International Relations and Zombies. Ironically, I could relate…

I was tired,hungry,and…well,let’s just say the way I walk could be misconstrued.

http://www2.newsadvance.com/entertainment/2010/nov/04/couch-potato-zombies-descend-amcs-walking-dead-ar-632264/

 

 

 

 

———–> The individual on the right would be me….

 

 

 

 

Focusing on class was difficult as I kept wondering what would happen with my participation grade? Having my jaw still banded shut makes it a little challenging to talk and I was already late to the class. Argh, not starting off well. Luckily, I spoke to the professor after class who was understanding, thank goodness. Good news is that I should only have to have my jaw banded shut during the day for about two more weeks, then I’m free to open my mouth all I want. Yay!

I had a space of one hour in between my class and a meeting with a professor but was so terrified of going out onto the campus wide ice rink that I just sat around. Thank goodness there’s an elevator as I told a professor of mine “i dont think I would make it to class otherwise.”

By the time I got home I was exhausted and force-fed myself some apple sauce. This was nowhere near enough food and the rest of the day is kind of hazy. It was so overwhelming, physically and mentally as each step I took I was terrified of slipping, and mentally, I was trying so hard to focus. One of the most challenging parts was how much I was moving, I wasn’t lying in bed resting anymore.

This is my last semester of college and I cannot let my jaw stop me from doing well.

I understand why people take semesters off and why Dr. Gunsons office forbid me from taking Ballet I. Every day is still just so exhausting. Tomorrow I have two classes and I just hope I won’t get overtired.

As for people’s reactions to my face, they were all lovely. I didn’t see half as many people as I usually do and once I was in my house I didn’t leave except to go to the store. Basically, I’m a hermit now. Who knows what this weekend will bring? The first weekend of my last semester in college? I can only imagine….No, not what you’re thinking.

I’ll probably spend my day in bed watching TV (sans my cat, breaks my heart to think about it) followed by a trip downstairs to blend some dinner and then retreat to my room too exhausted to go out. Sounds exciting huh!?

I wish I could say more positive things about my first day. I can say that everyone was nice. Friends helped me walk and my roommate even forced me to eat something healthy, and professors were all understanding and very accommodating.

On the more negative side, I’m just so tired. I’m already in my pj’s ready to go to sleep…..Well, here’s to tomorrow.

My First Day of School

Brrrrrrr, it is SO cold outside. Every time I step outside the skin on my body screams “what is this!? Ew, the sheer terror!” The metal in my face starts to feel chilly and obviously I start getting worried. Just the idea of having the metal feel super cold creeps me out. It’s already tough with wind blowing on my face, cold wind? No thank you.
I live only 15 minutes from campus but I thought it would be a smart idea to “move back in” over two days. I brought some stuff over yesterday and today brought over the rest of it. My awesome mom and friend helped me with the suitcase, I just couldn’t do it myself.

What.a.diva…

No really, I’m noticing more how little strength I have. I was going to the gym and doing yoga at least three times a week before surgery and now I have to wrestle with a jar to open it. Anytime I have to move something it’s a challenge I sometimes can’t complete.

On another note, once I put my stuff in the car I drove off. Quite sad really. I’ve gotten so used to being a hermit in my house/bed that moving back to school was making me nervous. As soon as I drove away my car started making the strangest noises. I tried to open the windows to hear it better but…my windows were frozen shut! After about 5 minutes I drove into a gas station to check out my car, something was very wrong with it.That’s when I saw an elderly man waving at me in my mirror. “You’ve bust your tire” he said.

Oh no.

Indeed my tire was completely flat…so flat it bent the inner metal area.

So in the end,mom came to get me and we left the car parked there. We’ll handle it tomorrow.We decided to go to Panera and had some delicious soup yum.Mom’s awesome, my lack of strength means more work for her, but she’s a real sport.

For now,Im in my dorm room trying to figure out how the heck I’m going to sleep on my back….I just want to lay on my stomach. I’ve got the first day jitters! And with my new face,that makes things even more nerve-racking. I have a theory that if anyone says they don’t like it…I’m going to cry.

After having so much done to my face, I just wouldn’t be able to handle someone being mean to it.

Ah well, I sense a wave of fatigue so I’m going to take advantage and trying to get some rest. Goodnight all

“Jaw surgery is not esthetic”….or is it?

 

I still have to sleep on my back and I can’t stand it anymore!! I’m a stomach sleeper, I enjoy putting the covers over my whole head…sometimes you can’t even tell I’m even in the bed. It’s bliss.

Personally, I think I sleep  (literally) like a baby in the womb but people say that’s really weird. I don’t care, I miss it too much. And as the email I sent the Gunson last  night said, my “weak,skinny body craves to be on its stomach.” I actually sent an email begging that I be allowed to sleep on my side.

Moving on,

Why is it that celebrities never have to go through things like this!? Don’t tell me that they woke up one day and had perfect teeth and a good jaw. I have a theory that there is a secret underground society of surgeons who perform these magical operations..the catch? YOU HAVE TO SELL THEM YOUR SOUL.

Example:

Bristol Palin

So the girl hasn’t been having the best days with her family constantly in the public eye and being a single mom…oh wait, haha silly me, she loves it. Ms. Palin is loving her new found fame so much, she decided to fix a “medical issue”….Corrective jaw surgery!!! How ironic is that!? That’s what I’m going through too! So weirddddd.

Finally someone is the public eye that would represent an unknown problem so many have to deal with, I was genuinly happy. And had a new found respect for Ms. Palin.

All was good until I saw this:

The picture on the left was taken in December, the picture on the right was taken in February after her “corrective jaw surgery.”

Let’s compare, shall we?

Looks like Ms.Palin was able to have her surgery without years of braces and her swelling dissapeared in less then 2 months. My favorite part?
This quote from a surgeon on Palins’ surgery, it “may have cost as much as $10,000 and required months of recovery.”

$10,000? Well then, I must be the village idiot to have had “corrective jaw surgery” after years of braces, years of pain, and oh, wait for it…more then $40,000 dollars.”

Dr. Colen, chairmen of plastic surgery at Hackensack University Medical Center wrote ”From the pictures that I saw, it looked like if she did have an overbite or an underbite, it wasn’t something that needed to be treated with surgery,” he said. “She could have done that with braces.”

I think having braces for Ms. Palin was far too traumatic. I mean, how would she reach fame? How would anyone in Hollywood respect her? She decided to take the “easy” way out by having plastic surgery and then telling people it was corrective jaw surgery.

As someone who underwent and is still recovering from surgery, I find it highly offensive. Ms. Palin has no idea what real corrective jaw surgery is. I invited her to read my blog and find out.

It’s here.

Shout out to a dedicated reader, Tom De Moya, Thanks for reading kind sir!

 Can you spot the cat?

I looked in the mirror today and did not like what I saw. Strangest feeling, almost like a body dysmorphic moment. I know I look good, thanks to my wonderful family and friends who have given me so much support (also known as giving me compliments all the time…they keep me very positive about the final results)

So…this is what happened.

I was doing my jaw exercises with my mirror when I noticed my mouth…I hated it. I knew perfectly well that it looked fine but I just hated it. I propped myself up and looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. My face looked huge to me, my eyes were really far apart, and since when do I have that little wrinke above my forehead? I had no idea what was happening, I had been fine with my face so far and in less than an hour, managed to find all these things I thought were wrong.

I knew something was wrong when I started thinking “well, someone can lift my eyebrows, give me a light nose job so it’s not too noticeable, give me cheekbone implants, and remove some of that extra pudge below my chin. Perfect”

The reality? THE AFTERMATH, and it’s here.

I had been warned about this moment, I call it THE AFTERMATH. The moment when those of us who have undergone “facial reconstruction” or esthetic procedures look in the mirror and just see imperfections. I want my old face back, I kept thinking to myself. I hate this new one, its high maintenanace and I look square…and it’s just not what I wanted!

This is a typical effect on your pysche after you have undergone surgery that has changed you, physically.

Now,I’m going to get scientific on you but, did you know that the anesthesia used in operations stays in your system for three weeks? Not a biggie right? Well, if you consider the effect it has on you physically and emotionally, it becomes a huge issue. I was lucky enough to have researched this before hand. My second week after surgery I had two days where I just wanted to flunk out on everything,I was miserable. Dr. Gunsons office warns you of all these things but it seems so bizarre you don’t really play attention to it. A couple days later I was feeling tons better but, I’m not going to sugar coat anything. For anyone about to undergo surgery, the anaesthesia can have this effect….it is very short but not fun.

For me, not being able to take care of myself, so to speak, has had its challenging moments. I get angry (sometimes) when people cook for me but, I’m too weak to do it myself! I’m sick of getting tired so quickly, I’m sick of having to keep the door unlocked when I take a shower incase I pass out. I’m really sick of being so damn cold all the time due to lack of calories. Or being terrified of anything that looks icy where I could slip. I feel like a glass statue sometimes.

I realise now that this is just because i have undergone a huge trauma and your mind is telling you to be extra careful as your body is very fragile!

One more thing, as I mentioned previously, is the physical change. In one month, we have had our faces changed, our skulls changed, our airways changed, and the loss of weight has completely transformed our bodies. That is a huge amount of change. And let me tell you something, I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE. (I was the girl who used to move her room around and then cry because it just didn’t feel right.)

So this is my little “sad”post. I had some sad moments but I keep telling myself that this is normal. And I hope all my other surgery buddies know that.

Please just make sure I don’t get addicted to altering myself? Like, addicted to plastic surgery! No really, because I have weak moments where I suddenly think of butt implants and all I watch is nip/tuck where the operations look so simple! It could literally get out of control

Here’s a video of someone who is now, addicted to plastic surgery.

(Jenny Lee on Larry King Live)

I can’t wait for the day when I am all back to normal and I realise how wonderful of a job the team did.I mean,look at the blogs from Gunsons patients? See any regrets there? Nah

Anyone got a definiton for “light cardio?”

Today was my first attempt at “light cardio.” After surgery the 4 week mark is when this is allowed. I entered not really knowing what “light cardio” entailed.

Could it be jogging? Perhaps some stair master, I’m quite a fan of it, or perhaps it means brisk walking?

I google searched it on my phone and nothing came back. Maybe if I tried searching for images of this mystery of “light cardio” I would understand it more.

This is what I found:

This image taken from: http://sexdietanddrugs.tumblr.com/post/3494851455/dancer-exercise-routine-warm-up-for-2-or-more

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It may just be me but, this ”light cardio” seems like quite a challenge. I don’t think my legs are able to move in such a position. Feeling defeated at my attempts to understand “light cardio” I resorted to youtube.What I found, was worse….

 

(Video taken from “The Jordan Workout” feat. Katie Price)

I considered both of the above (extensively) but resorted to taking things into my own hands. Seeing where my mind and enthusiasm would take me.

Before leaving for the gym I force-fed myself a protein shake concoction that tasted like chalk mixed with chocolate powder.The taste was…..manly. I needed a lot of energy for this “light cardio” investigation!
On my drive over I planned my work out, I’ll warm up, do some light jogging, I’ll go on that machine that makes people look like they’re running on air.

I get to the gym ready for my “light cardio” and realise I am now in the abyss of the gym….I’m feel vulnerable, what if my light cardio is actually severe cardio!? What if Im too weak and I pass out? Worst, what if I pass out and hit my jaw on the floor causing it to break, I lay unconscious, blood spritzing out, my little jaw broken.I wake up in critical care, Dr. Gunson is there and he says “Ashley…First of all let me tell you how great you look! We had to redo the surgery….and since you broke your jaw…no solid food for 6 months! Oh and we’re giving you some medicine that causes 90% of patients to gain about 100 pounds. ps.Dont worry about your nose, it was broken when you fell but we can fix that in a year when the immense swelling goes down,and remember Ashley, it’s the inside that counts.”

I have a very vivid imagination.
I enter the gym and go straight to the track. I start walking, I’m doing well, walking to the beat of Rihanna singing “you da one,” this is going well. I come to complete a full circle on the track.

I am exhausted.

Two young lads speed past me, I’m left behind like the turtle.”Wait for me!” I want to call out, but my mind is screaming at me “AH THE AGONY, PLEASE…REST. I CANT FEEL MY LEGS…MY MIND IS NUMB! Is that David Hasselhoff running at me!?”

I’m pooped and….delusional? A possible side effect of my experimenting with what “light cardio” is?

I continue walking long enough for Katy Perry and Adele to sing a ballad to me. Mind you this is not brisk walking. I hold on to the railing, only a few more steps….Ah.

5 minutes on the track, yes!
Next step is the elliptical, I figure I’m going to be gliding, it’ll be relaxing….
I’m 1 minute in and I feel like I’m going to have a seizure or my legs are going to fall off. Or worse, my jaw could fall off!?

I’m in the main room now so everyone present has seen me.I can’t get off the machine now!? They’ll think im the laziest person. I speak to myself, mentally….”Come on Ashley, 50 calories, you can do it!”
Yeah….NO.
I give up and stumble off the death trap of a machine. As a courtesy to everyone around ( probably appalled at my fatigue after a measly 2 and 1/2 minute work out) I even clean my machine with the spray. Considering I didn’t shed a drop of sweat I am probably cleaning up someone else’s sweat. A good deed done!

By now, I have decided I’m not giving up on the idea of light cardio . I am allowed to be exhausted I tell myself. I HAVE JUST HAD MAJOR JAW SURGERY AND YES, I HAVE SPENT MORE TIME IN BED THEN OUT OF IT, AND YES WHEN I GET OUT OF BED IT’S TO GET NUTELLA…..AND YES,  BY THE TIME IM BACK IN BED, IM EXHAUSTED.
But you know what? That’s okay I tell myself. Little baby steps…..little baby steps.

My post ends where I began. The meaning, of “light cardio.” Light cardio, in my opinion, involves light walking….perhaps a stroll in the park? Or a trip to the grocery store making sure you go down each aisle. Perhaps you can play some hopscotch?

Jump rope would be far too tiring.

How long do you have to have those?

I went to get some soup at a new “restaurant” downtown. The reason I say “restaurant” is because it has tables and chairs but you have to order your food at your counter and then you get herded to the other side of the counter like a cow.

Credit: PHOTOSTOCK-ISRAEL/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY

—–> Just like that

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Restaurant” without the italics would be giving it far too much credit. I walked up to the counter and said
“Hi, Which one of your soups has no pieces in it?” (Reminder: I am on a liquid/with particle diet

*The lady behind the register looked at me, confused.
I knew I would have to explain my current situation to her.

“It’s just….I had jaw surgery and I can’t chew anything…it can have little pieces but I just can’t chew.”
The lady’s eyes got so wide, she looked absolutely terrified (and I know it wasn’t my face she was reacting to, I happen to have worn makeup on this cold day, I looked presentable) she turned to her co-worker at the other register, whispering in her ear. *Middle school flashback* THEY ARE TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT ME.
“What did you have done?” said the co-worker, perplexed. She was interested. I’m a rare species apparently and she wants to investigate  before I can order.
I told her it was jaw surgery and asked my question again.  The two ladies turned to each other and began discussing the soups, a line begins to form next to me. The next person in line just stood there staring at my jaw.

“Vegetable would be good for her, right?”

“No, the vegetable has vegetables in it”

(One of these ladies is definitely trying to kill me with her chunky soup. I have to be careful at this point.)

“French onion soup might work?”

“Fine” I answered back, “that sounds really good!” I decided I would bring it home and just blend it. This was the first thing I would eat that day, I was very hungry!

I thought I was in the clear until they began to ask questions..
“What did they do, did it hurt?”
(the person next in line is irked, she’s hungry and does not want to wait any longer)
I smiled and said “yea, it hurt a lot, especially after” to which the lady smiled, and (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP,) goes
“Oh, I have a baby, I bet it’s not as bad.”

I smiled……
Oh yeah! Of course not, because yu know, having a baby  is very similar to having your bones cracked and replaced. I see the similarities.
I smiled and thanked her.

**My French Onion soup was heavenly by the way.

I almost forgot the reason for my title! The question above has been a reoccurring theme in my rare outings, when I decide to get dressed and stop watching Nip/Tuck with my cat.

When someone hears of my surgery a large percent (ALL MEN) look at me and go,”oh, how long do you have to wear those?”

……Awkward.

Those what? I’m confused, I stare back at them….The screw and hook jutting out of my bone? Or do you mean the elastic bands that tie my jaw shut so it doesn’t fall off my face?(exaggeration) Or is it the braces? Or no wait, is it the titanium pieces in my face, cause get what, those are permanent…that’s right, they are in there…foreverrrrrrrrr.

*Obviously, I politely answer their question even though the above, is running through my head.

Theres no “get better” comment, or questions that actually matter. No. It’s ”how long do you have to wear those?” Next time, I’m going to scare them away and answer with “Why? Do they bother you? Is the light reflecting off my metal hook and blinding you?”

Feels good to vent. And let me just say, that from all you readers, I like all your lovely questions. There’s a difference between knowing the whole story and then asking for details. My jaw and I are very sensitive to newcomers and their nosy questions, takes us a while to get used to people.

Almost forgot, here are my pictures for today. My photographer wasn’t available so I did them myself!

The cat food looks so good…..

Due to my lower lip being numb, I didn’t realise this what happening:

It looks like I know it’s happening, I realise…but, I have NO feeling in my bottom lip. You should watch me try to eat ice cream…it’s pathetic.
So Bailey the dog got to first base…

I survived jaw surgery…I can survive dog kisses.

& on the topic of animals, my title refers to a moment of hunger I had at dinner. The smell of cat food has become surprisingly appetizing to me, and it is blendable. It’s nice to have options in moments of such desperation…

http://earthfirst.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/bush-eating-cat.jpg

Hope you all had a wonderful first week of 2012. I did a whole lot of nothing, it involved me not leaving the house, watching tv shows, and ordering smoothies from the beauty that is Boloco! (Nutella smoothie with added bananas, can I get a yeaaaa?)
Today I had my second appointment with the orthodontist, Dr Chira and a special visitor from NYC, Dr.Mac who has been part of my superstar team since the beginning. They were both so happy at how much my swelling went down and started complimenting me, it was nauseating! Nah just kidding, I loved it

I can open my mouth 15mm now, a big improvement and I am now on track with expectations. At my first appointment my opening wasn’t cutting it, so I amped up my competitiveness and ta-dah,  15 mm! Dr. Mac made some adjustments to my teeth that didn’t feel like a big deal but apparently it was a huge adjustment. Something about me being able to open wide enough that they could now do what they needed to do.

Fascinating how I walked into the office with a couple of issues with my movement and after 3 minutes of working on a couple of teeth, the issues were fixed.

Usually Dr. Gunson likes his patients to go back to him after  8 weeks, just to make sure everything is going okay. We weren’t sure if I would need to do this since I was really doing okay but after some thought, the doctors decided going back would be helpful in the end. Oh well, this means I’ll have to leave the grey and snow for the warm weather of California, how horrible..not. I already booked my ticket!

Apart from my swelling going down, I have reached a plateau with my weight loss. (20 pounds) I continue to eat my soups and even had some french onion soup tonight, it was yummy. I don’t need any medicine for pain, including Tylenol and the only discomfort is when I’m doing my exercises and my jaw seems to be saying “ugh, Can’t you see I’m trying to rest? Rude.”

So here are my pictures!

Just a reminder that if anyone has questions, comment, I’ll respond right away!

Happy New Years!

2012 is here!

I went out with two of my close friends for new years eve, scary but I made it home safe and sound! I am so thankful they came over for the night (this involved getting on a boat to cross a lake mind you, not just a ten minute drive.) I took a protein shake with me and put it in my car incase I got light-headed, thankfully there was no need for it. Getting ready was tiring but fun, my first night wearing a full face of makeup and actually trying to look presentable. After going into the first place, we ended up staying there the whole evening…It was packed. There was nothing more terrifying than walking through the crowd, elbows of highly intoxicated youngsters, drinks in the air, it was an obstacle course. I spent my walks through the bar with my hands in front of my face I was so scared. I even put my phone up to my ear to make it look like I was talking on it….little did they know I was just protecting myself.

The weather was not as cold as past years, thank goodness. I was ready to feel my titanium pieces in my face get cold, apparently that can happen, but I didn’t feel it. The only thing that bothered me was driving over potholes, definitely a bother to the jaw. And walking alone is still a little bit of a struggle, I like to hold on to an arm for stability….Winter cold means icy pavement….a scary thought for me.

So I’m glad I survived my first night out, exhausting but it felt so good to be around people. It felt bizarre at the same time, I didn’t feel like I looked like myself, or that people were looking at the swelling. One of the weird things was with my ears still blocked from my plane ride the music in the bar was so loud! I couldn’t really hear people and I felt like people couldn’t hear me even though I swear I was yelling. I look forward to being able to go out without getting tired and looking less swollen.

Ah I cannot wait!

As for what people said about my “new” look? My friends said I looked great and still like me, thank goodness.

Here are some pictures of me on New Years, looking a little more presentable I was so exhausted, this is at 3 in the morning when I got home and ate. Mother is so cute she insisted I take pictures…this is two of what I swear was a 15 minute photoshoot haha.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get in ma belly!

Hi Everyone!

Tomorrow is New Years Eve, woo hoo. I’ve decided I’m going to try to go out, something I really enjoy doing. I went out by myself for the first time yesterday and being extra careful, I was still nervous about fainting. I got really light-headed in the dentist’s chair (I think it’s something to do with my new skull and the dentist chair when it’s down.) Either way I was still a little light headed when I left so I made sure to be extra careful driving the five minutes back home.

I understand now that I just don’t like going out alone, no one wants to faint without anyone being there..obviously.

Yesterday I had a crazy craving for peanut butter but the consistency was just too thick and I didn’t want to risk me trying to chew on it. I stuck it in the vitamix but it was still thick so I added some milk. I took a sip and was craving protein so badly I drank it all. Yuck! I realise now just  how disgusting it was.

Today however, I had  decided to try and eat some cheesecake that I wanted to blend. For anyone that thinks they can eat this after surgery in its original format, you can’t ladies and gentlemen. It’s just too risky and there is a much simpler method, as I was about to find out…

I put a slice of cheesecake in our little blender, a black and decker, and blended it…still too thick. The consistency needs to be able to run down a glass so that even if you can’t drink it, you can let it just run into your mouth. Attractive, I know.

So I added some cool whip…still too thick. At this point I was drooling and getting so impatient because I could smell the deliciousness but couldn’t get my mittens on it! I decided I would add some milk, why not right? Cheese…milk….come from the same source. Wowza is all I can say…It was delicious! It tasted just like cheesecake, none of this “it tastes like feet but I’m so hungry I’m trying to ignore it.”

Here is a picture of my culinary art, If I may say so myself…..

Here’s the before:

and here is the blended version:

 

 

 

 

 

 

If anyone would like directions let me know, its super simple and so worth it!

Today my swelling is down even more, my weight loss is at 18 pounds in 23 days!

Here are some updated pictures:

I look terrified in the first one, haha.

Xoxo  Meow

19 Pounds!

Wowza!

19 pounds lost in three weeks, complete insanity.

My face is still looking the same, so no need for a picture. My skin has been so bizarre, a side effect of the surgery. They don’t go into detail about what they do to your skin but they do stuff….a lot of stuff. It’s almost like there’s a layer of sand all over my face, dry skin? Perhaps.

I summarized how I was feeling overall and I feel this statement should become a headline for future surgery patients. It sounds really harsh but it really hits the nail on the head. I said
” I feel like an 85-year-old who is battling sickness.”

The lack of movement I’m willing to do and the aches and pains that come and go, and of course, there’s the overall fatigue that you feel after getting up for five minutes.

I’m feeling okay today, the weather is pretty gloomy and I don’t foresee myself leaving the house. Last night I took Advil PM since I had some pain and it allowed me to get some much needed sleep. I woke up as soon as the Advil ran out but was able to go right back to sleep.

Since I have no pictures of myself to enlighten you with I thought, what a better thing to post then……. PUPPIES AND KITTENS.

Okay, so they’re actually both middle-aged but still….so cute!

 

The Pain.

You would think that the worst of the pain would be over by now. Last night was one of the worst nights by far as I had a horrible headache and overall facial pain. The medicines just weren’t doing the trick ( I think it’s just really important to stay on top of the pain, I fell behind) and with a cold wash cloth on my forehead I tried to sleep. I fell asleep at around 2 am and woke up a few times during the night, today I am exhausted.

I went to Costco and used one of the electric carts, of course my cart showed full battery until running out 20 minutes later. The race to checkout before it ran out so I didn’t have to walk was the most entertainment I’ve had in a couple of days.

People definitely stare at you. I feel like they’re thinking “she doesn’t need that cart, how rude of her”…. Little do they know!

The dizziness is really getting to me, I get up and I just get so lightheaded…I’m hoping this passes soon.

So I’m kind of over doing the daily pictures just because I’m overly lazy ( I won’t even try to make an excuse) but if you would like some updates, let me know. I shall deliver. If I start to notice a change I’ll definitely post them!

Here is the medical stuff now: Are you ready?

Call me…THE TERMINATOR. 

On the left is the before picture, my air way is the little black “hole.”  On the right is the after picture. Moving my jaw forward during surgery allowed my airway to be the size it should be.

Here’s a diagram of my jaw before and after.

Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I just had my first “desperate attempt” at a normal meal, gravy, stuffing, and mashed potatoes blended. I drank quite a bit of it and it really wasn’t that bad. Looking at the stuffing in its normal form in a plate is quite painful though, I have to admit.

My dessert was nutella, yum. Dr. Gunson said I should really try not to eat without my elastics in. It makes things a lot more challenging that way but, whatever is best for the mouth!

My lips and chin are still numb and I can’t use utensils so everything got really messy. I didn’t care though, I was so happy to be eating something so delicious.

I would post pictures but todays activities have worn me out! I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!

The Red Eye

Finally home.

And since this post is as long as a short novel, I’ll post my pictures right now. Please excuse the hair….smeared make up…..my shirt with grits on it….and my sign ( a piece of paper.) I lost the marker for my board.

We took three  planes, each one getting worse. The pain I felt was absolutely excruciating. I was so weak ( apparently from the weight loss and loss of blood during the operation) and needed wheel chair assistance. Arriving into Los Angeles, I waited five minutes outside the plane for the person with the wheel chair, standing there got too tiring so we started walking and were met by the wheelchair eventually. The lady was so rude, asking us what we wanted to do. They can’t leave you with the wheelchair  so they either wheel you around (eating somewhere would have been awkward, they just stand there…Maybe wheelchair theft is common in an airport, doubtful) or they drop you off somewhere ( for me, it was in a secluded seating area away from humanity) and then leave…with the wheelchair.

Wonderful. Three hour wait and I feel like a secluded leper.

To make things worse when it got time for our flight, the lady at the desk was a complete Grinch wearing a Hawaiian shirt, I wanted to drink from my sports bottle ( bad idea, normal bottles are much better, lesson learned) and then drool on her. Usually wheelchair assisted people get on the plane first so as to not disrupt everyone but no, she just let me sit there. I was even able to make my way towards the plane, only after did she realise that she hadn’t even checked my boarding pass and chased us down like wild zoo animal.

Mom was my personal guard and protector during the whole travelling. So funny. I was so “high” on pain medication that everything was hazy but I remember mom going up to the rude lady,behind the little “united airlines” podium. Hands flying everywhere and suddenly I just heard yelling. Something about my mom needing to step away from “United Airlines” podium, and my mom yelling ” my daughter….6 hours of surgery……she just needs a wheelchair to get to the plane!”

The last flight was the worst. Not because of the people (thank you Chicago) but because of the pain. I was so positive my brain was going to explode due to the air pressure changes. I don’t know if it’s because my sinuses were operated on during surgery but the pain I felt was absolutely horrible. The air pressure affects your ears, head, and sinuses.

I really recommend that anyone who has gotten the surgery try to wait as long as they can to fly. It’s different for everyone I’m sure, but the pain was almost unbearable. Mind you, this was also on my strong medication. Once hom we called Dr. Gunson because I was still in a lot of pain and I’ve been doing so well that we just felt it was necessary to call. He was so nice, and sounded genuinely sorry I was in pain. I feel like doctors are so used to patients wining they start not to care haha but Gunson told mom exactly what to do. His directions were surprisingly specific but the pain is at a bearable level now, so thankful.

Now that I’m done complaining about my flight, which I apologize for, I should be thankful I’m home safe…even with pain, it could be much worse.

We left Santa Barbara at 9 o’clock at night so we had the whole day and Dr. Gunson opened the office just for us. Since I was going home he wanted to confirm that my bite and jaw were doing okay. Have you heard of a doctor actually opening his office just for you? And two days before Christmas! I was so appreciative.

My favorite part was this:

Yes, that is Dr. Gunson on an awesome motorbike.

Home tomorrow!

Hola!

I go home tomorrow, yaaaaaaay! I’m so very ready to leave. I love Santa Barbara but I’m ready to have some normalcy. I’ve been forgetting to mention one of the main reasons I had my surgery, my airway! Moving my jaw forward in surgery will allow my airway to be the size it should be.

This is an x-ray of my airway, it is encircled in red. Apparently it should be four times this size…Now it is! With my new airway I won’t have to deal with severe sleep apnea when I’m older which is when it becomes a real problem. Before surgery sleeping was never a big issue except that I would sleep for ten plus hours and still be tired. That’s one of the effects of a small airways according to the doctors. Again, I don’t know the scientific explanation so please excuse the simple terminology.

I changed my elastics today, it took about half an hour. And that’s after I did my exercises for half an hour, a whole hour dedicated to my jaw….exhausting. I can’t believe I have to do that twice more today.

I’m feeling some tingling and little nerve pinches in my chin which means it’s slowly trying to wake up. They’re kind of painful

Say “Ahhhhh”

What an action packed day! I spent two hours with Dr. Gunson today as we tweaked  my mouth a little more. My right side was touching more than the left so we were working on getting the left to touch evenly. It’s still all very scientific and I have trouble re-wording it

As I write this I am doing my jaw exercises. After taking out the elastics I have to open my mouth for a few seconds and then close. For now Dr. Gunson is having me do this three times a day for half an hour because my mouth was not opening as much as he was hoping.

Good news is that I ate some spaghettios today, yum! But had to blend the pasta up more and more each time. It’s been a lot tougher because I  kept thinking that liquids with particles meant little baby pieces of food. In reality it means scientific particles as in tiny miniscule pieces of food. Now whenever I try to go to sleep all I think about is how I will be eating more liquid the next day, it’s a pain in the butt. I get these moments where I just can’t stand the thought of eating liquids…

I lost one more pound today which means I’ve lost a pound for each day since surgery! (Two whole weeks)

Mom was so hungry ( poor thing doesn’t like to eat in front of me) but I told her I didn’t mind. We went to McDonald’s and I decided to try a McFlurry. It was so challenging to eat! Mom said she wolfed her food down because looking at me struggling to eat was too difficult, she felt bad….which made me feel bad.

I went home and set the McFlurry in front of the heater to let it melt more so I could drink it. By far the worst thing for me today was the messy eating. I eat food and get it all over my chin but don’t feel it. My mom will yell at me from across the room “dripping, you’re dripping honey get it, get it hurry!”

I am praying the numbness doesn’t end up being permanent.

This is me so hungry, trying to melt the mcflurry so I can drink. So frustrating!

I got to brush the rest of my teeth, this is me begging the tooth-brush to not hurt me.

Teehee me being so silly.

 

My swelling is way down today, I am finally looking more like…me!

I’ve got a lot of other things to take care of though, like changing my elastics, practicing opening, taking my joint medication, making sure my skin cleansers don’t give me an allergic reaction etc. Lots to do.

I could not be happier I had my surgery during Christmas break. There is no way I ( or anyone ) could be handling all of this with added stresses.

Here are my updated pictures with a picture of me before surgery!

BEFORE:

Sorry about the quality. Keep special attention on my lips and chin. That’s where you can see the difference for now.

and NOW:

No talking for THREE hours!?

Just ate my first bowl of soup with little pasta. Delicious! We couldn’t find little star pastas so we thought cutting up spaghetti would work. unfortunately some pieces were still really long so I was swallowing these large pieces and half choking. After blending it up a little more I was able to eat it more comfortably. I’m looking forward to when I can brush my teeth after eating. Despite the size of the pasta some pieces still get caught on the elastic.

Today has been so packed. I went in for my normal appointment, got to brush me teeth, yay! It wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be, I mean…it’s been two weeks since I brushed them (hot) but I’ve kind of enjoyed it. For example, waking up in the morning, I literally roll out of bed, get dressed, eat and go. Not having to floss at night has saved me what feels like hours every night! My mouth has always felt super clean because A) There are no solids being eaten so nothing in my teeth. B) You rinse with hydrogen peroxide twice a day.

Despite the advantages, it does feel good to brush…I guess

Dr. Gunson came in and took a look around and said the right side of my mouth was closing perfectly but the left side would need some help….I have no idea if that’s what he said but that is what I understood. He put the elastics in this wild design from one side of my mouth to the other and the top of my mouth to the bottom and so on. He said I should really try not to talk while I had these on, which would be for three hours until he would see me again in the afternoon. I could not open my mouth at all, it was quite uncomfortable.

Not being able to talk was horrible. I knew I could try but I was so scared of doing something wrong I just mimed everything. I had to wait until 6pm to eat, and that was my first meal of the day! I am exhausted. Whenever anything is done to my jaw it really takes a toll on the body making it especially tired.

Good news is that Dr. Gunson said everything looked much better when I went back in. It’s amazing how quickly he fixed it! I don’t even know what he did exactly.

Here are my pictures. My swelling is a lot better, I can smile a little more

I’ll go in for another appointment tomorrow to do the rest of the things I should have done today. I’m going to be learning how to put my own elastics in!

 

 

Milestones

Today is a day of much improvement, very exciting! I’ll start off with describing the rest of yesterday which involved going to the beach and then doing some shopping downtown. I was running on 6ish hours of sleep yet was able to continue shopping until 7:30. That’s pretty incredible considering just a few days ago I could only do five-minute walks.

Tomorrow is the day, The days of all liquids. This means particles are allowed and my meals will be that much more interesting! Here’s what I plan on eating:

Lunch

Photo by ex.libris.

 

http://giulianohazan.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/Pasta-e-Fagioli.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add tiny star pasta to this!

 

I slept FOURTEEN hours last night, they were wonderful. Mom says she used the light from her cellphone to make sure I was breathing…what a sweetheart. Personally, this is what I picture:

Image from film "Nosferatu, A Symphony of Horror!"

and it scares me.

Another step in the right direction, I weighed myself today and have lost a total of 14 starving pounds in 12 days. For those of you who are asking “how did she do this?” I call it the “starvation diet…” quite simple really, it involves not eating.

Disclaimer: I am not recommending this diet. It’s unhealthy. Please don’t sue me.

Now for the best milestone: I am officially on no oxy pain-killer. I took two Tylenol, just for a little bit of discomfort. I’m looking forward to seeing things clearly from now on. Apparently I’ve been talking in my sleep. Mom says one night she looked at me and my leg was stretched out in the air with my hand spread across my face as I smiled to myself. Few nights ago I woke up telling my mom “zoe says hi…..” making things even stranger is my awareness of the fact I do not know a zoe as I kept saying “she says hi..who is Zoe? Who is Zoe?” Oh the things medication will do to you. Last night we went to the store and some lit up christmas decorations were moving, my first thought? “Mom, Do you see those moving reindeer too?”

The swelling on my right side is down today unfortunately the left side is still swollen and I have swelling below my chin. I can see a slight preview of the final results!

Here’s my face!

I have an appoitment with the dr’s tomorrow. Rumor has it that this appointment is a lot of fun ,yay.

If you can eat solid, Why are you blending it!?

I just saw a commercial advertising a fancy blender. The only thing I was thinking was “why are these people blending their food when they are very able to eat it solid?”It makes no sense. No really, I stand behind my opinion.

Mom and I went to visit our surgery buddies and we went on a walk on the beautiful beach. It was so nice to breathe fresh air and the hotel was just perfect. I also got to see a dog which was super exciting. I am a believer in the healing effects of all animals

Here are some pictures from the beach today:

Last night was especially tough as I couldn’t fall asleep. I began feeling congested and then my head started to hurt and it was a never-ending pain story. I finally fell asleep but only got about six hours of sleep. I’m surprised I am still able to function. My congestion is much better and I feel relatively pain-free. I have yet to eat anything though, my hunger is hiding, it likes to do that lately. I think it’ll come down to me forcing myself to eat some tomato soup…with sour cream. Yum, my hunger just came knocking

Here are pictures of my face today, We decided to use the beautiful background of the  ocean.

It’s alive, It’s alive!

I think I’ve developed feeling in my left cheek. Very nice, very nice. The area below my mouth and my chin is still very numb, I look forward to the day when someone will ask me if they can light my chin on fire to see if it hurts. The swelling came back a little bit which is always frustrating, especially because it came accompanied with some terrible pain. I don’t have an explanation for the pain but my whole bottom jaw is feeling very tight. It feels exactly how an old door that needs to be greased feels. Like I have rusty parts and I need some desperate oil. I’ve taken two doses of the oxy and a dose of Tylenol and the pain is still strong, I can only imagine what it would feel like without the medicine.

I was staring at my mouth in the mirror today and lightly poked the elastic in the front of my mouth, the one that is connected to the screw below my top lip and the hook below my bottom, and it snapped! I screamed out of fear because it slapped me in the mouth. I called one of the ladies from the office (it’s Saturday, remember) and she said it happens every now and then and that I don’t have to worry about it. I was so surprised I could reach her on a Saturday especially when she happened to be on vacation! What lovely people.

I was looking forward to my walk downtown today but it ended abruptly. I was in pain to start off with but wanted to distract myself. What ended up shortening my outing was pure light-headedness. I don’t remember if this is due to the surgery or if it’s a side effect of the medicine but it’s quite scary. You just feel very weak and vulnerable. The idea of fainting and landing on my face is so terrifying I chose to just call it a day and go home. Mom and I ended up going on a drive a bit later. We wanted to see the real estate on the hills, boy are those roads curvy!

The food cravings are stronger than ever.It’s mostly for pasta, short pasta…preferably a l’amatriciana…anyways, mother is cooking pasta for herself tonight. (I told her it was fine because I wanted to be able to smell it.) My plan was to taste some of the sauce she was putting on it,no harm in that right? It’s liquid. Then I got the brilliant idea of sticking it into the blender but mom felt it would be psychologically damaging considering the pasta was  “too solid honey,”and it simply wouldn’t come out right.

…..I settled for a sniff, it was delicious.

Here’s my face today:

Just like velvet.

Are you wondering why my title is “just like velvet?” Mama just blended up a wonderful cup of lentil soup, definitely the thickest yet. As soon as I began to drink it, my first sentence was “Mmmm goes in just like velvet.” See, when you have only liquids you begin to appreciate a little bit of variety….this much thicker consistency? Very appreciated.

I went “out” to eat today for the first time. Found this cute little place on State Street that had just been featured on the Food Network. They were advertising their clam chowder ( a very popular dish with me lately) and after explaining my situation he was able to blend the ”chowda” into a smooth tasty soup. Yum.

I still get very down about not eating pasta. I think about it every minute of the day, sometimes I try to imagine the taste, other times I beg people to describe the pasta they’re eating to me. People think I’m joking but I’m not. I want to know what pasta you ate, how it smells, the texture, the taste, the sauce……I am slowly going bonkers I think

My personal favorite is whenever I walk by a resteraunt and I think to myself “I wonder if they know just how lucky they are to be eating food right now?” This whole experience is opening my eyes to a whole new world.

My swelling continues to go down, yay! I found out I can’t wear any makeup until Tuesday which is interesting, I didn’t think to ask before because honestly I didn’t care. I bet not wearing make up is a huge issue for some people, thankfully my skin has stayed clear, I can’t imagine how much harder this would be if I broke out and couldn’t cover it up. (Knock on wood, or metal if you’re in Italy.)

I had the genius idea this morning, in a moment of desperation I saw a little cup of peanut butter. Mmmm protein at its finest. But how would I get it into my mouth? In comes the syringe….

It took about 15 minutes to set it up……

And squeezing it into my mouth took so long that I lost the excitement and gave up…way too hard.

Here is my face today!

I feel like I’ve been showing the glamorous side of this surgery and only describing the difficult moments in words….I felt this picture really summed up the reality of the situation.

This is me, drinking out of a mug (that’s all I can drink out of) in my pink bathrobe, in front of the TV, on strong pain medication, and with toilet paper stuck up my nose. My right nostril is quite the trouble maker.

Now, if this isn’t attractive I honestly don’t know what is…..

Morning Sunshines!

I received an email asking for me to post more “before” pictures. Finding one of my profile was kind of difficult because I never liked my own profile, well…that’s changed now!

Here are just a few profile and face-on pictures, I’ll be back later!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday Night Fever

I had a fever last night (100.3,) very strange for me, I swear the last time I had a fever was in the 4th grade. At my second appointment with the doctors today they said it’s very normal to have a slight little fever. It’s doesn’t feel good at all, One second I’m hot, the next I’m cold, and of course the typical “body ache” is present…that’s probably the worst symptom.

This is me in the waiting room haha, I look so glamorous with my sunglasses. I just put them on so I could take a nap!

Here’s a video of me doing my “mouth” exercises. They take out the elastics and I have to practice opening and closing, and moving side to side. It’s quite the challenge!!

I can’t wait to go on my all liquids diet on Tuesday. I’ve already planned out things I want to eat (spaghettios,grits,) anything I can drink out of a cup is fair game. If anyone has any ideas for liquids, let me know! My body is stuck on the 10 lbs lost in a week, it simply will not budge. Apparently this is my body going into starvation mode. I hope it ends soon…..At least give me the weight loss to be content about right?

As for pain, it hasn’t changed much and the medicines really help. The one thing that is happening more often is this weird tingling, tickle, itch sensation on my left cheek/jaw area. I know it means something is waking up, it just feel so weird! I think it’s going to get worse too, like when my nose starts coming alive. I am so thankful I’m not drooling though, apparently I’m lucky with that. My nose still bleeds, kinda gross but I’m just happy I can feel it coming. The last thing I need is for blood to run down my numb chin and I’ll be walking around with no idea I have blood on my face. So attractive. The bruising is slowly going away and I think the swelling went down too. I’ve gotten to a point where I really don’t care about covering my “square” face, if someone has an issue with it, they can walk the other way. Thank goodness I haven’t had a little child look at me and scream, that was one of my biggest concerns.

This is what I picture:

Photo taken from: http://www.toddlertantrums.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/screaming-baby1.jpg

Here are my pics for the day!

Not so sweet…..

( I’ve come out with the strangest bruises on my eyes..even the doctor said he had never seen this)

Today has been super difficult for me. I wasn’t able to eat anything until about 10 minutes ago, I had clam chowder sans the clams. I have come to understand that anything sweet is a major no-no for me. The thought of eating, smelling, or drinking something sweet is absolutely revolting. Maybe this is a permanent change? For now, I’m enjoying the warm soup in my belly. Before that I had a small coffee, water, and 3 sips of a (what would normally be delicious to me) Nutella and banana smoothie. I think my body was running so low on calories and I haven’t taken a nap today that I just felt really sick and light-headed.

I went on my five-minute walk today and it was quite the struggle. I couldn’t see signs ahead of me, that’s a side effect of the medicine added onto the nausea, strangely enough my final destination for this walk was a grocery store. The ONE thing I thought I could eat was clam chowder. I feel like a pregnant woman sometimes! I get the strangest cravings, I move very slowly ( no offense ladies), and I have to sleep on my back. Well, I’ll be prepared I guess. Adding more humor is the fact I’ve had kidney stones so many times in the past year, according to women with children the pain of kidney stones is worse than child labor. Wow, I really am ready for any future pregnancies I might go through.

My mood is especially low today because frankly I am so sick of being swollen. I feel like a slug….just slugging around everywhere, but I’m a sad slug I’m a slug that can’t eat anything.

As for my swelling, I feel like my lips are more swollen but it could be because he changed the elastics yesterday. My face looks pretty much the same…I’ll let you decide for yourselves

 

Tomorrow I have another appointment with the doctors. I hope I feel better, I want to remain positive and not start going backwards in my recovery…wish me luck?

First Appointment Post-Op!

Today was my first post-op appointment with the crew and overall it went very well. They cut my elastics that were basically keeping my mouth closed, this was super exciting because my booklet had originally said this would happen in a week. Anyway, it felt weird having nothing holding my mouth together but not as weird as most people say. What I think was weirder was that I thought I was opening my jaw but to my surprise Gunson handed me a mirror and I was actually not really doing anything,(p.s look how fancy Dr.G’s shirt is….so fancy)

I will be allowed to go on my liquid diet (that means anything that is liquid, but it won’t have to be strained) next week. I am soooo excited. Grits, here I come! Overall my appointment went really well, they cleaned my mouth up (so gross, but I kind of wanted to watch) and put in new elastics but in different places. Now, I have to tell you about this hook I have coming out of my bone on my lower gum, it looks like captain hooks hand…but its little…and on my jaw. I will only take a photo if I get requests because it would be intrusive to my mouth BUT we’re talking about a metal hook….can you say, wow!?

My stomach was very upset today because of the antibiotics so I’m not taking those anymore. I’m still taking the Oxy ( in liquid form) and the Tylenol but in solid form, thank goodness. Once you’re “drinking” all your medicine that sweet syrup can get really gross! My swelling is still going down and I got to remove my facial tape! Hopefully that will stop rude people from staring.

First Night of Good Sleep

I have been awake for less than half an hour and I can think of lots of things I’ve improved on. First of all, last night was a relatively restful night, I can never calculate how much sleep I actually get, but the fact I’m awake right now is a good sign of  peaceful sleep. I forgot to mention that having a good nights sleep is super tough,not only because I have to sleep with my head raised and on my back but also because every two hours I get woken up by an alarm and I take my medicine. It’s been quite the system really….My mama planned it all out for me.

Another improvement is the fact I woke up and I’m hungry, hungry for eggs….bacon/sausage…..pancakes…..little bit of whipped cream…….add chocolate chips in the pancakes. But alas, I am going to have a yummy protein drink

I am so excited for my appointment with the dr’s tomorrow, I hope they see how hard I’m trying! And they’re also going to remove this ugly facial tape from my face, so gross. I can’t wait. Hopefully, they’ll say I’ve done really well, and everything looks super good!

Here’s a picture of me in front of all my beautiful gifts and “get well” items:

(That is my super happy face, it doesn’t look like I’m trying…but I am)

Here are pictures of me today:

 

First Day out in the Real World

Today I decided I was going to go out for longer than my 5 minute walk. Santa Barbara is so beautiful and it was a perfect day. I made sure to wear a scarf because my facial tape has blood on it making it look like im constantly bleeding from my nostril. Apart from that I looked pretty normal. I have to admit my walk is still slightly off, I don’t know how to explain it. Thank goodness im not walking like this anymore. This is my first post-op walk on day 2!

On a more negative note, one gentleman decided that I wouldn’t catch him staring at me as I crossed the street. I knew I wouldn’t care because whatever our faces look like now, they are going to improve. The fact that he was so rudely staring in the first place is what made me so angry. Do people no longer have any manners?

Back to the positive notes, I had a reflexology foot massage today. It was very nice, a little too long but I think it did a world of good. I could feel the blood rushing up from my feet to the rest of my body. For someone who has been practically bed ridden maintaining blood circulation is very important.

The pain has been controllable except for the past hour and a half. I think my nerves are waking up and my whole mouth is in A LOT of pain. My cheeks, my teeth, even my tongue is in pain…Im hoping it will go away as I just took the strong stuff. Its kind of sad to think I wont be totally numb anymore, that must have saved me so much pain

Oh well, tomorrow is a whole new day, wish me luck with the pain!

4 days post-op

Hello,

First of all I’m going to apologize once more for any spelling errors, the medicine I’m on makes typing realllyyyy challenging.

Sleep. One of the most important things. I havent been getting any. I’m not sure if it’s because I have to be on my back, head elevated,…..OR it could be the fact that every two hours the alarm would go off so I can get my medicine. I have finally understood that I can’t miss or be late with my medicine otherwise I begin to feel excruciating pain.

Other strange things happening are connected to the fact I’m getting feeling back inside my mouth. I don’t know what it is, but there is something very odd in my mouth…not stiches, it’s as if there were little additions here and there just floating around in my mouth. Yucky

Also strange is my nose….itchy itchy. I swear I woke up last night scratching my nose.  And my eyesight like I mentioned before is very strange. Whenever I type, I shut one of my eyes? How weird is that..

Apart from all these little problems, I am feeling an improvement and I can’t wait to have the swelling go down. Apparently, today should be the last day of swelling…its all deflation from here on. Woohoo

Here are some photos I just took. This is 4 days post-op. Lbs lost = 7

   

Day 3

I just went on my first five-minute walk and it sure felt good! I’m so lucky to be in beautiful Santa Barbara instead of anywhere else, really. My nose has stopped bleeding for the most part but if I have to bend down to get something it will start-up again. The pain I’m feeling today is in my lower jaw, I think…you can never be sure because your still so numb.

Watching me try to drink out of a glass is hilarious and a towel is always needed.

Here is my picture today…I think the swelling is slowly increasing but over all its been fine. Very surprising considering I bruise SO easily! It still feels weird when I look in the mirror, I’m trying for figure out what my final appearance will be like!

Haha this is me trying to smile…impossible with everything numb.Also ignore the blood, nothing to worry about very normal, just difficult to remove

Anyone considering getting the surgery I highly recommend the office Arnett and Gunson. Gunson has made himself available to answer questions. He also, of course, improved my overall appearance.

First night at home

Here’s a picture of me the day I left the hospital with my surgery buddy Daniel

As  mentioned before, I lost alot of blood during surgery so they kept me there for an extra night.  Not too bad considering the nurses are super helpful, I could probably stay there for two weeks.

The bad side of this surgery is the pain ( in my case.) Apparently a lot of people don’t feel pain because the medicines just worked for them. For me the only that worked was having my morphine pump available at all times. obviously this couldn’t go on forever so I has a rough night the second night after surgery. Dr. Gunson reassured me that I wouldn’t leave the hospital in pain…It was all about me feeling comfortable.

My medicine regime now consists of Oxycontin in the liquid form every four hours, Seems like a lot but believe me at three hours no matter where I am, I begin feeling pain pain pain.

As for my face itself, it feels HUGE buts it’s really not. I can’t open my mouth much at all, I don’t think I would want t see whats in their anyways. I’ve been rinsing my mouth with the salt water “stuff” which helps me feel a little cleaner.

I apologize for not having any pictures, as soon as I got home I just lay down in bed. Of course, I made sure to do my 5 minute walks!

If you have any questions let me know!

Surgery!

Hi everyone!

So here is where my day of surgery began:

I am not able to write too much today as the medicines make my vision blurry. Surgery went well and everyone says Im not swelling the usual amount which is great. The doctors and nurses are all so nice, I have had little  discomfort.

Heres me  right out of surgery

      

During the surgery I lost alot of blood so Im staying here an extra night,

I apologise for the short message, I am just so tired that it takes me a really long time to think of a word, and then spell it correctly.

Here’s my “new” profile…I have a chin!

This is Lux  and I, she was having the same surgery but with Arnett. She is going to come out sooo beautifully.

My surgery buddy Daniel wanted to come by before his operation. Why am I wearing rudolph antlers? Ask my mother. I was completely taken advantage of

The Night Before

I am so nervous.

But then I remember the great surgeons taking care of me and I get a sense of relief…

But then I think about the surgery and I get nervous again.

It’s a never.ending.story.

Tomorrow is my surgery and I can’t believe it’s finally here! Two years in the making. I spent my day at more doctors appointments,found out I’m all set to go for surgery apart from the presence of kidney stones but….I’ve had 8 in the past year and a half so I’m used to them. As long as they don’t start to travel down I’ll be okay.

Here’s a picture of me getting blood drawn. Look how scared I am!

Walking around the downtown mall, my eye caught on to a poster for a chocolate store that I just had to visit. I spent the next 15 minutes searching for this place and finally found it. I picked flavors ranging from chocolate salt all the way to lavender chocolate…simply delicious. Before that I had gone to Ihop and ordered myself a monstrosity piled with whipped cream, blueberries, and hash browns.

For dinner…oh dinner. My last meal for 4 months, I decided to go with Italian. The best part was the wonderful company we were with. At my first appointment with Dr Gunson I met another patient having his surgery a day after mine! We swapped numbers, our mothers swapped number and we met up for dinner. It was the perfect way to relax and eat a delicious meal at a great place called Bucatini’s.

This is a picture of my mom and I!

Daniel with Ms.Susan enjoying his second to last dinner.

I am praying my surgery goes well tomorrow. I’m very nervous, don’t know if I will sleep, and I’m irked at the idea of having to wait until noon to go the hospital.

Did I mention I’m nervous? 

I keep reminded myself that this is the last big thing and then, recovery will lead me to a path of perfection!

Until then, I’ll be writing to you all with my new face

Did you know….

….that during surgery they stitch your eyelids closed!? definitely a fact I would have been more than happy not knowing but with lawsuits being the “cool” thing to do, I guess we have to be warned of everything. Apparently I’m also receiving a nice little baby screw on my forehead, but its going to be taken out before I wake up….ah thank goodness for anaesthesia.

Oh! Before I forget, I was cleared for surgery today! My skin biopsy came out totally normal, we think my outbreak was stress related. Lovely!

On the other hand I had my pre-surgical appointment with Dr. Gunson and his wonderful co-worker Kim. I’m not sure what she does but, she knows all the answers to my questions

We went over pre surgery things and then Gunson came in to explain what they would do during the actual surgery. From what I understood the are splitting my upper jaw in half, yowza. They’re doing a whole bunch of other stuff but I have no idea what most of it means. Here, I’ll give you the technical name and you can try to solve it yourselves:

Multisegment Lefort I Osteotomy Bilateral Sagittal split osteotamies. Local bone harvest bone grafting to the maxilla and mandible.

Heres a picture of the doctors taking measurements:

Personally, I think it has a large resemblance to this scene from ”Saw.”

Still Image: Saw

I have to admit, my favorite part of the appointment was the possible side effects of the medicine. Kim talking to my mother, “If she begins to hallucinate or see things that are not really there, just let us know.”

No, My favorite part was really the comfortable atmosphere of the office and how nice Dr. Gunson is. Its comforting to know that the person changing your appearance really cares about your thoughts and opinions!

Tomorrow’s the pre-surgery hospital appointment, I will update you all!

-3 days until surgery

I am so nervous!

Tomorrow will be my first pre-surgical meeting with the doctors. I think we will be going over the basic stuff and then, the FUN stuff. I think Im meeting with a nutritionist person, I have strict orders that I lose the weight…and keep it off. None of this, “I lost 20 pounds and then BAM it came back when I started chewing again!” Nope, not for me. I want to make sure I remain healthy as I drink

…..nothing but liquids…… ( particle free mind you) for weeks!

I have also come out with a rare skin rash that has doctors baffled. By baffled, I mean they don’t know what it is exactly. After going to Dr. Macs office on Friday I got a call from the team in California saying I had to make an appointment with a dermatologist and get a culture done. (A culture is when they rub a Q Tip on your skin.) What I got was so much more.

The doctor who saw me was voted the 5th sexiest woman in NYC, no joke…it was in a magazine. I can’t wait to tell my guy friends.

After my culture she thought it would be a good idea to do a biopsy, I’m fully aware a biopsy means removing skin so obviously, I was fearful. We called Dr. Gunson to make sure it was okay to have an open wound and he cleared us so we began the process. One shot of anaesthesia and I couldn’t feel a thing, she tied it up in one stitch and sent my skin away to the lab.

Here’s a picture (My first visible stitch, so cute)

The bill ended up being $900. Mother was not too pleased but I reminded her that we had met the 5th sexiest woman in the city. (She still wasn’t too pleased)

What happens from here? I find out tomorrow. I’m praying they say my skin is okay, nothing serious and that surgery is still set for Wednesday. I was told if the rash did not go away, I would have to postpone This would be traumatizing for me mentally, I don’t think I can wait any longer, and what if I don’t make it for Christmas on time?

Praying hard tonight xoxo

Arrival in Santa Barbara

Finally here! Mom and I arrived last night, it felt alot later due to the jet lag but our arrival time was 5:00. The plane from San Francisco to S. Barbara was frighteningly small. My mothers first words were “Its so small! And it has propellers!.” Anyways, the flight wasnt so bad, I was able to take a little nap and before I knew it. We were on the ground!

I’ve been excited about coming to Santa Barbara since the first time I came here in Feb. 2010 (for the first consultation), its a wonderful little place with alot to offer. My surgery is this Wednesday (more on that later) and I have to stay in the area for three weeks so we rented an apartment. We found it on Homeaway, the apartment is under the name MamaDux and is simply wonderful. I strongly reccomend it to anyone getting surgery! Its right in the middle of everything and did I mention, It’s fit for a princess? Teehee, no really. The style of the studio itself is warm, classy, and very luxurious. I dont want to leave the place!